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Shin

I come from a family of four, my father, mother, older brother and me. Before coming to the institute, I was living alone in Kanazawa. My father knew of my addiction and contacted APARI via the Internet. That was in August last year. I got qualified and was working as a plasterer. Although my family encouraged me to return to Okayama when I stopped work, I did not return. I met a woman and did not want to leave her.

I found a new job working in a bar, but I was originally not good at relationships and I had a lot of stress from work. I was using drugs since I was a plasterer. The first time I was 22 or 23 years old. I think it was golden week and I drove with two friends at night from Kanazawa to Nagoya where they bought stimulant drugs. They used them in the car and I was watching them closely, one of them infected himself and the other was chasing using tin foil. They asked me if I wanted some and I couldn't say no. I was afraid what might happen if I said no, and I didn't want them to think I was scared, and actually I was also curious. I said I would try a little and they injected me, it hit me hard, I thought what's this ? and couldn't sleep for three days. To be honest, I was surprised it felt so good.

For a while I was using for fun, but I noticed I started to buy regularly each payday, just like tobacco, when I got up in the morning I used a shot and went to work. Also like smoking cigarettes after meals I needed another shot. I thought I could quit anytime so I used whenever I wanted, but I didn't think it was serious. People around me noticed a strange change in my behavior. I still feel regretful and sad when thinking about my split with my girlfriend, she hated drugs. I remember me and her talking about drugs, I said to her I used to use drugs before. At that time she looked disgusted and said but you are not using now ? After that I couldn't tell her I was still using drugs. One day she told me on the phone, Shin, you are talking strangely, you are using drugs aren't you ? And I told her honestly yes I am. Then she hung up the phone. It was over between us and it was a huge shock. I lost the will to live. I tend to depend on girlfriends heavily and I didn't realize this at the time but I do now.

The amount of drugs I used increased, my older brother had a a baby and I thought negatively about my nephew not wanting a drug addict as an uncle. I felt I didn't deserve to live. Sometimes I heard imaginary sounds coming from refrigerator, I was kneeling in front of it crying and apologizing, please don't trouble my family. That was the lowest point in my life. At that time I spent a lot of money. My mother asked me why I ran out of money so quickly, but I couldn't tell her the truth because I was high on stimulants. Later she asked me has anyone threatened you ? or are you using drugs ? Finally I told her the truth I couldn't stop taking drugs. My father told me you had been doing whatever you wanted so far, so this time do as your parents say. I agreed because I had no other choice. My father found APARI on the Internet and took me to Fujioka the next day. The following day I decided to join the institute. The reason I didn't decide immediately on the first day was to be honest I felt reluctant. I thought I would go home and deceive my parents. I knew my parents would stay in Takasaki before returning home so I asked them to let me stay with them and I was thinking over and over in the hotel in Takasaki and eventually decided, if I ran away now, nothing would be solved. I wanted to recover from drug dependence for myself, so I returned to APARI the following day. I really appreciate that my parents respected my choice.