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Contents
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Recovery
Program Japanese Page |
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T-D |
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| 30 year old Psycho-Stimulant & Hemp abuser | |||||||||
| Interview : 22 / 4 / 2002 | |||||||||
| Recovery from Addiction. | |||||||||
| When I was taking drugs I didn't think I was sick. I was searching for different effects of drugs, how they could me mor effective, how I could get a stronger hit. I tried to see how many days I could go without sleep using drugs.. I was experimenting on myself with drugs like a guinea pig. It was destructive, like a kind of suicide wish. I only understood this after starting the APARI program. I took drugs to relieve stress but it soon became a destructive addiction. Now I realize my illness was really deep. I am still ill and still desire them although I thought so many times in the past that it would be the last time but then continued using so many times. After stopping for a short time I thought I had recovered but soon relapsed and continued to use them. Now I have friends who I can work with together to overcome our addiction. I am really thankful to them and when I desire drugs I can talk to them which helps. I feel now I have taken one big step and begun at last my recovery from drug addiction. | |||||||||
| My Life Cycle. | |||||||||
| When I used drugs I would wake up around lunchtime, work one day, then take one day off. On those days off I would use drugs constantly. My body became used to the pace. On the days when I had consecutive days off I would use drugs without any break. I used to take stimulants then go to work as a taxi driver, but found I was useless and couldn' t perform well. I often fantasized about stopping the taxi and just reading pornographic magazines which was bad. I don't want to remember what I was like at my lowest point. As for the program, I get up between 7:30am and 8:30am, drink hot coffee around 9:00am in the dining room and attend meetings from 9:30am. I enjoy my days by partcipating in the Sports program or the Ceramic Arts program. In the evenings I attend N.A ( Narcotics Anonymous) meetings. Recently I have got used to this daily cycle at last. I have not slept well yet and have always had a problem getting to sleep, especially when I was living alone. Now, when I cannot sleep I go to the dining room, talk to friends which helps alleviate stress, have a cigarette and return to my room. If I do so, I can sleep well. Having friends to talk to has helped a lot in this respect. | |||||||||
| Replacing the pleasure of drugs. | |||||||||
| I haven't found it yet. If I have to say a replacement may be the meetings. When I attend I realize I have stopped using drugs. Even when I can't speak openly, I still feel calmed by hearing other people talk. When I finish a meeting and come out in the hall, I have a feeling of achievement that I have gone one more healthy day without drugs. Before I used to rely on drugs emotionally, all the feelings I had such as achievement were coming from the drugs. The meetings are now filling the hole in my life that was drugs. | |||||||||